WHY DO THINGS WORK UNTIL IT’S MY TURN?

I just got denied an application…I would admit that I am hurt not just because I really looked forward to it but also because, until I applied, it felt like pretty much anyone that worked at it could get it.

Growing up, I have always had this notion that was summarised in the statement, ‘Things work until it’s my turn’. I do not remember how early this conviction came but I have somehow accepted this in my subconscious.

I did not always think like this. I have once been very optimistic and confident of my abilities, I have always believed that nothing could stop me and everything I wanted was on the other side of hard work, or so I thought.

I remember my first attempt at writing JAMB, it was in 2016, I was in my last year in secondary school and like everyone around me, I had really high hopes of getting into the University. I really did, until Nigeria happened and JAMB messed up a lot of results that year. They did try to salvage the situation by adding the infamous 40 marks to the initially dismal scores and that only left with a score, just good enough to write post UTME.

It was however, saddening that, that happened to be the experimental year when post UTME was scrapped. I had gone ahead to write WAEC with all the pent up anger in me and it paid off. It paid off too well that I almost lost the reality of what my JAMB score was. I had 218 and I wanted to study Medicine. My chances were slim but I wasn’t going to change my course.

Amazingly, the points system left me with an aggregate that looked really good, at least until the cut-off marks were released. I was short of the cut-off marks by what appeared to be 3 points. I also missed the catchment area mark score by some 0.125 points. Was I distraught? No. at least not yet. I was and still am a sucker for hope and I really thought I was going to get admitted,

Reality finally dawned on me and that Christmas was one of the saddest I’ve had. I was angry and sad. Angry because so many things that weren’t under my control didn’t add up and sad because none of my effort mattered as long as the results didn’t come out good.

That experience remains pivotal in my life. The decisions I made after the whole situation has a large impact on where I am presently. Today, I’m stuck in medical school, not in Lagos, though I secretly wish it was and I have failed at a lot more things I thought would come easy, or at least that appeared easy until I tried and each time, I am reminded of one cogent lesson that I apparently haven’t got around learning.

I have come to realise that as much as success is attainable through diligence and consistency, sometimes it just always doesn’t come out as good as we want. I am learning to be consistent, in the face of whatever the results may be. I am learning never to measure my own growth by the success of others. More than I admit, I am tempted to and sometimes I even do. At every point where I fail, I am reminded that the goal still remains consistently outdoing myself and I’m learning how to refocus at those times when I choose another competition.

Maybe some things won’t just work no matter how hard I try, and others may work as long as I keep trying. I really won’t find out which ever is going to work at a glance.

However, I am convinced that for a lot of people. Success comes after a bout of consistency mingled with unfavourable outcomes. I am learning to embrace success whenever it comes in whatever ‘size’,

I am learning to enjoy, trust, commit and immerse myself in the process of growth. After all, the sailor’s best stories aren’t always the harbour.